Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” - Buddha

To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.
Buddha

A picket fence, ideally white, is seen by some of us as a symbol of the ideal middle-classsuburban life, together with a happy family, well fed children, glamorous house and peaceful living.

Aaah yes we all aspire to have the ideological trappings of the picket fence, the “in love” relationship, chuck in the mandatory handsome prince on white horse, 2.5 children( woops slipped up there)and the accumulation of toys, and other “cool stuff”

Looking back over my last few years of new years eve articles I find myself breathing a sigh of despair- an ‘ is that as good as it gets?” Jack Nicolson type moment.

This year I have decided to be brutally honest –

In western society we focus equal share on accumulating and depriving ourselves - aaah yes he who dies with the most toys wins-

• Who can be the thinnest?
• Who can appear the youngest?
• Who can own the biggest shiniest Jet Ski....( please can someone explain to me this obsession with planet destroying mechanical toys which go nowhere and achieve nothing?)

Ok so jokes aside our new year’s resolutions are sometimes made up of values of obsessive accumulation and manic deprivation rather than the moral high ground of peace, virtue, and developing a sense of community and friendship...

 We say that we want to work towards a greater sense of wellness and spiritualism but what does that really mean?

What does it mean to develop the spirit?

Let’s take Xmas and new year’s eve as prime examples...We launch ourselves full pelt into the commercialism of Xmas maxing out our credit cards, rushing around like mad things, showering our children with expensive gifts thereby inflicting upon them a possible incidental future of shopaholicism, indoctrinating them into capitalist philosophies, not to mention socialising them into addiction to food and - dare I say it -possibly alcohol.

What is New Years Eve really about???

As we get past the metaphysical high of the Xmas celebration we plummet down into the New Years Eve festivities- big dipper style- ear popping vertigo to the max  we catapult ourselves into the next year...and before we even draw breath we are already repeating the same behavioural patterns.

Like a squirrel gathers nuts some of us accumulate and collect obsessive behaviours

And then we flagellate our self with the terrible wrath of guilt and promise to commit to a diet of bread and water the very next day

Maybe we need to put the metaphorical Jet Ski to one side for a moment and actually take a minute and ask ourselves the big question...

Do these western rituals and patterns bring us peace and contentment?

Look at eastern philosophy... a focus on being in the moment- taking responsibility for the here and now and detaching ourselves from our raw humanity-

Look at the word “resolution” or “to resolve”- it is about fixing the future what is to happen in time rather than what is happening now...perhaps we should rename new year’s resolution - new year’s being – a focus on what is happening here and now

Let’s work on spiritual development-

Let’s focus clearly on the now of our behaviour and sit with how our behaviour effects us now and the people we love instead of projecting forward with goals wearing blind folds.

Take responsibility, take ownership and focus on self acceptance.

Make like Buddha and focus on the now and finding peace from within- be with the moment rather than perpetually committing forward to the future.

Raise our glass to De-cluttering ourselves physically emotionally and spiritually – emphasise goals which improve our present relationships with others and enhance the quality of our life spiritually.

Have a great new years eve.

 ~Author unknown, commonly misattributed to Charles Darwin

What small change can you make today to bring you closer to your goals?

I will make the following small change to my behaviour today...........................

You can do this...

Step by step

Eat well

Keep moving

Grow in strength

Be mindful

Regards

Lauren

Aaagh the end of a week...What do we feel?

Relief? fatigue? Remorse? Success? Determination?

...and what have we learned this week?

Let us reflect...Look back

Firstly what are our goals?

Now be specific- let's say to ourselves...

My goals is to...............by the .....(date)

Be clear and identify your goal- say it out loud

Make sure you use the word "is" rather than ‘want" or "might"

Be definite- Be sure of yourself- take ownership

And what have we learned this week

What has taken us one step towards our goals?

Lets identify what we have learned- therefore giving it credence and validity in our life journey

• Have you learned a new exercise?
• Have we improved our ability to move?
• Have you developed a new food strategy?
• Have you managed a stressful situation differently?
• Have you passed on information to others?
• Have you developed a new time management strategy?
• Have you reviewed and then modified a behaviour?

Identify- debrief and - and then move on

Every day brings new learning's and draws us closer to each goal.

Please let me know if there are ways in which I may help you further.

Warm regards

Lauren

So Do I have your permissions?

Ok so here goes-

I have had a spate of choc tops finding their way onto  the food diaries over the last several weeks

Understandably with the cold weather several of us are going to the movies- great idea!

...And consequentially I am seeing the choc top surface its ugly head ( all be it delicious)onto the food plan.

Ok  so here is the thing...

An average choc top will set you back about ten days in good eating. Yep ten days. Wow thats a lot of walking, exercise, and food planning.

A choc top is rated as one of the worst snack options on the American diet.

It is not the size of the food that matters - it is the ingredients and the effect on blood sugar- cholesterol - heart and more

Why are choc tops so bad?

Three answers-

The ice cream- the cone- the chocolate shell( I know I know- they are so yummy!)

Dig below that yummy taste and you will find...

•1.     Saturated fats- trans fats- corn syrup( sometimes animal fats are added)

•2.     Added sugar making the choc top one of the sweetest snacks on the snack market

•3.     The cone is unhealthy for many reasons including extra sugar, refines carbohydrates, high salt, saturated  fats etc

•4.     The high sugar high saturated fat high salt content of the chocolate shell.

Do you Feel really thirsty after a choc top? No wonder it is incredibly high in salt.

Do you have high cholesterol, blood pressure, heart disease, any excess body fat, suffer stress, depression, anxiety-

then it is best to steer right away from the choc top.

Alternatives...

Why not take your own organic dark chocolate to the cinema?

Make your own ice-cream

Eat before you go to the cinema

See below- referenced from the following resources...

http://www.living-a-healthy-lifestyle.com/dangerous-food-ingredients.html

The all time favorite Ice Cream is another food jam-packed with unhealthy substances like calories, fat, sugar and dairies which is unhealthy for our health. Probably Ice cream is included in the top list of being the most unhealthiest food of all. Aside from that, Ice cream also contains artificial colors and flavoring, harmful preservatives, emulsifiers and stabilizers. Sum it all up and Ice cream falls on the list of the leading cause of obesity and tops the list of the most unhealthy foods on the planet.

Read more: http://www.articlesbase.com/nutrition-articles/unhealthy-foods-that-will-kill-your-from-inside-out-1463018.html#ixzz0ppoOBhM8
Under Creative Commons License: Attribution

The 100 Most Unhealthy Foods in the American Diet

http://www.x-raytechnicianschools.org/florida/the-100-most-unhealthy-foods-in-the-american-diet/

Looking for some healthier foods to eat than your usual fare? It may be wise to first figure out what not to eat. Unfortunately, many of the best-tasting foods in America are terrible for us. Whether they are high in calories, fat, sugar, sodium or some other nasty additive, we've listed America's 100 most unhealthy foods below.

Some of the foods on this list are obviously unhealthy, though you may be surprised by a few. (It is the stealthy ones that can really get us at times.) We have also included beverages, as well as the worst dishes from popular American chain restaurants, to round out the list. Since it would be difficult to rank the foods according to health risk, we have categorized and alphabetized each item.

Common Household Foods

Sadly, some of our favorite household foods top the "should not eat" list. Here are some American favorites that should be approached with cautious moderation.

1. Baked Beans - Many people keep a stock of canned beans in the pantry. Those that are soaking in sugary syrup, like baked beans, are high in refined sugars and contribute to many health problems.
2. Campbell's Condensed Soups - Have you seen how much salt is in your classic Campbell's condensed soup? Do yourself a favor and try the low-sodium version instead.
3. Chicken Pot Pie - Processed, store-bought pot pies are terribly unhealthy. Pepperidge Farm makes roasted chicken pot pie 1,020 calories and 64 grams of fat.
4. Hot Dogs - Not only are these a leading cause of choking in children and adults, they contain highly processed meat "byproducts," whatever that may be. Stay away from foods with such mysterious ingredients.
5. Luncheon Meats - Commercial cold cuts are highly processed and packed with unhealthy additives.
6. Ramen Noodles - College students everywhere are scraping by with this inexpensive dish. However, it offers nothing in the way of nutrients and is loaded with sodium.
7. Saltines - These crackers taste good with your soup, but provide only excessive carbohydrates and sodium.
8. White Bread - Foods made of mostly white flour are just empty calories and carbohydrates. Don't be fooled by wheat bread, either. You should be looking for whole wheat bread.
9. White Pasta - The white flour strikes again. Although tasty, this refined product offers too many carbohydrates and too many calories.
10. White Potatoes - These are the type of potatoes that are commonly used for junk food like French Fries. They contain solanine, which can have a toxic effect on people. Among other things, solanine can contribute to calcium depletion and arthritic pain.

Drinks

Everything you consume can have positive or negative health consequences, including drinks. While many people are conscious about the food they eat, they forget about the liquid calories in their diet. Below are some of the unhealthiest drinks in America.

1. Baskin Robbin's Large Heath Bar Shake - According to Yahoo! Health, this is the unhealthiest drink in all of America. It contains a whopping 2,310 calories, 266 grams of sugar and 108 grams of fat!
2. Cocktails - What do you get when you combine high levels of refined sugar and unhealthy amounts of hard liquor? You get a cocktail, which was invented by the British Navy so sailors would get drunk a little slower. Like anything, moderation is key, but you would be better off with a glass of red wine than with a cocktail.
3. Coffee - Need a pick-me-up in the morning? Studies show that a fresh apple and a glass of water can actually do this in a more healthy, natural way. Let your poor adrenal glands get some rest by laying off the coffee.
4. Diet Soda - Don't assume diet soda is better for you than the regular kind. Sugar substitutes are known to have long-term, unpleasant side effects. Plus, caffeine of any kind is bad for your health.
5. Eggnog - This creamy drink is a favorite around the holidays. Even without the liquor, it is quite fatty and unhealthy.
6. Fruit Juice - Most commercial fruit juices are loaded with sugar. In fact, some fruit juices offer more sugar in one serving than a candy bar. Think about that the next time you go for some Hawaiian Punch.
7. Fruit Smoothie - Just like fruit juice, most smoothies are delicious, yet contain more sugar and high fructose syrup than actual fruit. Be selective when looking for a healthy fruit-based drink.
8. Irish Coffee - This combines three unhealthy ingredients: coffee, cream and hard liquor.
9. Liquor - While studies have shown that moderate consumption of beer or wine can offer heart benefits, there is really no reason to drink hard liquor. It is bad for your kidneys, your liver and even a small amount will dehydrate you.
10. Red Bull - This drink gives you wings... and extremely high amounts of sugar, caffeine and carbohydrates. This intense energy drink has actually been linked to a few deaths. Listen up, America: France actually banned this potent tonic.
11. Soda - Soda is bad for you on many levels. It usually offers tons of sugar and caffeine, not to mention it isn't so great on your teeth. It does, however, work well to remove rust from metals. Think about that, won't you?
12. Starbucks' Java Chip Frappuccino - Frankly, you should avoid any beverage at Starbucks that isn't green tea or water. However, the Java Chip Frappuccino really stands out for its whopping 650 calories. You could eat a greasy cheeseburger from a fast food restaurant and consume less calories!
13. Whole Milk - Whole milk is not only high in fat, certain brands contain harmful hormones. Look for a dependable organic, hormone-free brand and try to make the switch to skim.

Snacks

Let's face it - most of us don't want to munch on celery stalks when we feel a small rumble in our tummy. However, the following snacks could make that tummy a lot bigger, so don't overindulge.

1. Chocolate - It isn't just the calories that make chocolate a big no-no. It is also a source of caffeine and some people are quite sensitive to the effects.
2. Coffee Cake - This sugary baked good definitely tastes great, but it is full of refined sugars, artificial additives and fat.
3. Cookies - Technically, there are healthy cookie recipes out there. However, the typical cookies are full of refined flour, refined sugars and more calories than you should ever consume in one nibble.
4. Corn Chips - Don't let the word "corn" fool you. This snack does not count as a vegetable serving and are just as bad for you as any other fried, salted snack.
5. Doughnuts - Artificial flavors, refined sugar and trans fats abound in these devilishly delicious snacks.
6. French Fries - French fries are not only fatty, they contain acrylamide, which is a known carcinogen.
7. Ice Cream - Ice cream can be fatty with the whole milk and sugar alone. However, it becomes even worse when you start adding things like chocolate pieces or cookie dough. Opt for low-fat frozen yogurt if you must indulge.
8. Lunchables - This Oscar Mayer product is convenient for lunch or a quick snack, but contains highly processed meats, non-enriched bread and a lot of sodium.
9. Potato Chips - Most of us realize how bad these are for us, yet they are hard to resist. Potato chips are high in trans fats, calories, salt and the carcinogen acrylamide.

"Health Foods"

Some foods are marketed as being healthy and many of us assume they are great additions to our diet. However, the following items should be eaten in moderation or not at all.

1. Bagel and Cream Cheese - This is a favorite breakfast food for many people. It seems healthier than a big, traditional breakfast. However, the average bagel covered in cream cheese offers 40 grams of fat and tons of carbohydrates.
2. Bran Muffin - Those looking for a healthy start in the morning often reach for a bran muffin. However, refined flour and sugars are not a healthy source of energy first thing in the morning.
3. Dried Fruit - Fresh fruit is far healthier than dried fruit, as it takes more dried fruit (and calories) to feel full. Also, many dried fruit products are covered with sugar.
4. Fruit Cocktail - Fruit is an integral part of a healthy diet. However, you should be buying fresh fruit and not fruit that is soaking in thick, sugary syrups. Not only is the added sugar unhealthy, fruit can lose a lot of nutrients when it is processed and canned.
5. Granola Bars - While the word "granola" is often used to describe health advocates, granola bars are often loaded with fatty oils and sugar.
6. Low-Fat Salad Dressing - While some salad dressings offer a reduced amount of fat, the taste is often salvaged by adding sugar.
7. Margarine - At one time, margarine was hailed as the healthy alternative to pure butter. However, margarine is loaded with trans fats and is linked to a higher risk of heart disease.
8. Microwave Diet Meals - There are many brands, such as Weight Watchers and Lean Cuisine, that claim to offer "healthy" microwave meals. However low in fat they may be, however, they are very processed and salty. Also, the portions are so small that you are likely to eat again very soon.
9. Olive Oil - While real olive oil is good for raising HDL cholesterol levels, it is still just as fatty as vegetable oil and its healthy properties are reduced by heat. Don't expect to drop many pounds by cooking anything in oil. Olive oil is merely the lesser of the evils.
10. Pasta Salad - Pasta is loaded with refined flour, which offers you a quick spike in blood sugar and isn't so great for your waist line. That, along with high-calorie dressing, makes pasta salad a "health food" you should avoid.
11. Pretzels - While it is true that pretzels are better for you than potato chips, they only offer empty calories. There are no nutritional benefits to pretzels and some are filled with sugar, which only makes you hungrier.
12. Protein Bars - Why these food items line the shelves of health food stores is a mystery. They offer a convenient source of protein, yes, but they are also packed with calories and fat.
13. Tuna Fish Sandwich - This isn't quite the healthy lunch you thought it was, particularly if you order one in a restaurant. Not only is the mayo high in fat, eating large quantities of tuna exposes you to mercury contamination.
14. Turkey Burger - Turkey burgers are not necessarily low-fat alternatives to regular hamburgers. In fact, they can be just as loaded with fat and grease. When purchasing patties in the grocery store, compare the turkey burgers to beef burgers and you might be surprised.
15. Yogurt Cups - Yogurt can be quite healthy if prepared properly. However, most yogurt cups found in grocery stores, such as the ones with fruit in the bottom, are loaded with sugary corn syrup.

Condiments

It isn't just the main portions of your meals that affect your health. The condiments you use to improve taste can really add up the calories, fat grams and other unhealthy properties. Below are some usual suspects to avoid.

1. Butter - Most of us know that butter is bad for us, yet the tempting product haunts us every time we eat a baked potato or piece of bread. If you must succumb to butter, try whipped butter instead.
2. Honey Mustard - While mustard does not offer many unhealthy properties, honey mustard is loaded with sugar and other additives.
3. Jellies/Jams/Preserves - Most brands are big on taste and on refined sugars, unfortunately. Organic, low sugar is the best alternative to mainstream, processed jellies/jams/preserves.
4. Ketchup - Sure the bottle boasts about the inclusion of lycopene, but you can also get that from fresh tomatoes. Kethcup is a highly processed food that is packed with sugar.
5. Mayonnaise - This is one of the easiest ways to turn a healthy sandwich into something very fattening. Substitute mayonnaise with something lighter whenever you can. Mustard is a great alternative in many cases.
6. Sugar - One could write a book about the unhealthy side effects of a diet high in sugar. It is hidden is many processed foods so the last thing you should do is keep extra sugar on the table. Use it very sparingly, in fact.
7. Salt - Excess sodium is no good for you, so take a stand and banish salt from your table. There are healthy alternatives to spicing up bland food.
8. Soy Sauce - Aside from the fact that soy has its negative aspects, there is a terribly high amount of salt in this popular sauce.
9. Tartar Sauce - Tartar sauce is actually mayonnaise combined with onions, pickled cucumbers and other ingredients. This is why it is even more fattening than mayonnaise, which is saying a lot.

Dear Fellow yoga participants.

I attaché a practice for strengthening the VMO( vastus medialis)

Most of us have weaker rather than stronger VMOs - this may contribute to knee , feet, and spinal injuries.

There are two approaches required here.

• 1. Mindful awareness training of the VMO
• 2. Strength training of the VMO

Mindful training is the ability to be aware of  the concentric contractions and lengthening of a muscle- and the ability to peak contrat these muscles.

Strength training is( in its simplest form) repetition of an exercise until overload is achieved in order to stimulate specific muscular growth, density,  and strength.

In order to increase strength and decrease injury we need to work on both of the above approaches.

The biomechanical alignment of the knee joint is paramount here. It is vital that we complete the poses with correct knee tracking and VMO recruitment. The back of the knee is not yper extended

We will be discussing VMO training during this weeks practice.

***Rememeber if it hurts- Dont do it:)

See you at practice

Kind regards

Lauren

Yoga is about union and being in the moment. Know yourself.

Remember to lengthen your spine, go gently, be kind to your self- and remember to be the tortoise rather than the hare.

Use props where required.

Let me know how you go:) I would love to hear from you

All the best

Lauren

You can purchase props from us just click here-

Remember we are different to the rest of the flock.

We do not accept the socialised Australian standards for aging, fat loss and exercise.

As mothers, fathers, business owners and more...

We create our own standards.

Go forth and.....Send me your food plans.

Send me your questions- send me your experiences

The difference between ordinary and extra ordinary is " a little extra"

What's your little extra today?

Kind regards

Lauren

A very special Mums viewpoint-

I am ill, but my kids see me FIGHT- By Tina (Mornington Peninsula, Australia)

Hi Lauren,            

I have also strongly pondered over these questions, and I am in a completely different situation. I have the upmost respect for working and non-working families, and believe both choices can be hard.  You might remember me from a few years back when Erayna and I worked with you in the gym (mostly Erayna hahahah).  I am not a well girl, and have a severe form of rheumatoid arthritis at the age of 35.  Been at war with this body for 4 years now.  To try to cut it short, I do not respond to pain killers, am allergic to antiinflammitories and steroids is my only choice of meds so far that relieves the inflammation.  The condition without the steroids basically reduces me to a cripple and I would need a carer to dress myself.  Each day living in a flare is like climbing a mountain of pain and frustration.  I cannot even tie up my girls hair for school, let alone handle everything else that us mothers do at home.  So I take prednisone, and have gained 40 kilos of extra weight in 4 years.  Even on this medication I have weakness, fatigue and stiffness and my restrictions definitely affect my family too.  I am doing everything possible to try and beat this, I have now qualified for a new biologic med ($30,000) to try and see if It will reverse the inflammation.  If this works it will get me off steroids and believe me I am not a religious gal but I am on my hands and knees (OUCH) praying for a miracle.  That's my life at the moment, however because I am optimistic and I still won't give in I am studying for a diploma in Music.  Why?  because I want to return to work when and if I get well again.  You are an inspiration, you have developed your own business, you are providing for your family.  And I think if you look at one word from this, "PROVIDING" you will be able to work out whether you are making the right choices for your family?  It's all about balance.  You are right we do not OWN our children, they are a gift to us, they are our family and we raise them to get to know them as people who one day will hopefully grow up to be good individuals.  And how do they become good?  Hopefully we can lead by example enough for them to take on some of our values, the good ones hehehehe..  I think that sometimes we don't have a choice to work, it's a financial thing isn't it?  I guess we all have different standards of living though.  To someone who is really poor a small bowl of rice every three days is gold.  That's what I remember when I am feeling a little lost about my situation.  I mean in this day and age one partner working and supporting the family is just not enough.  We are definitely struggling to make ends meet.  If I could work too it would not give us a shiny new car, a $10,000 couch, facials or holidays, it would mean we could pay our bills again.  That's not to say if someone wants that lifestyle its wrong either?  But for me if it meant that my children completely missed out on me and Paul, well I would consider it selfish.  O.k. so I have seen children, rich children who have had the all the benefits of money.  The best clothes, education, food, but not once in his entire lifetime did their father utter the words "I love you".  He was a busy man, although married into money, his wife was VERY wealthy, I guess he felt he had a point to prove and became a very successful businessman.  But it consumed him too, money buys love?  Does it?  For this particular family it did NOT.  He died at 50 of a massive heart attack and never told them how he felt.  What do I see in his children's eyes, sadness that their children don't have a grandpa, sadness that even if he was alive he probably wouldn't have been a good one because his priorities were always absorbed in greed.  How much is enough?????  When I am sitting down weighing up the pros and cons there are four  main things on my list:

LOVE

FOOD

CLOTHING

HOME.

All those things are covered!  Every situation is different, and everyone has their own personal desires, goals etc... It is NOT selfish to want a successful business, it is not selfish to want some down time, perhaps indulge in a favorite sport or go on holidays.  God a massage would be fantastic once a week LOL.... But if these things, you know the stuff, the glitz the leisure start to interfere, or overtake family quality time then that's when it becomes selfish, that's when guilt should set in.  But I think you will find that people who live this way never realize that this is wrong, they NEVER question what they do because they are selfish?  Why would they question, it's all about them!  Lauren you are feeling 'guilty'?  Please don't use that word, unless you think deep down inside that perhaps you don't need quite as much as you are aiming for?  If your kids are in full time childcare due to work commitments because you have worked out that financially this is what you NEED to do, then there should be NO guilt.  Even if you want a little more in the way of standards for your family, there is still NO guilt in that either.  You're not putting them in there to nick off to the pokies or suck back on a bong HAHAHAHAHAHA...  And believe me we all know selfish people like that, or am I just the unfortunate one who does?   Your maintaining a very well established business, shit your amazing!  Over the years I have needed some down time, as a full time mum we need that too LOL.  I put my daughter into a trusted community centre and she was humiliated at childcare by another boy, sexually.  I was in another room, I trusted the person who was supervising.  I was taking a 2 hour card making class, you know some ME time.  Should I feel guilt for this?  She is my child, I was outraged, I was MAD.  But I don't feel guilty for the actions of others.  The childcare was investigated, my daughters incident was reported, she was 3 and was counseled and it is now a distant memory.  I wasn't working.  I was taking ME TIME!!!  A strung out full time Mum needs time too.  I do not feel guilt for this, and you should NOT feel guilt for working.  Does that make sense?  Your kids are getting bitten, that sucks.  My kids were biters LOL, they bit each other.  Not in childcare, but they went through the same thing.  Biting is a natural reaction to frustration, some kids can't express themselves and this is a natural way they do it at that age.  It passes.  Your poor kids are victims of this other Childs normal behavior, however it must make you mad, it should.  But it happens outside of childcare too, at home and its normal.  My kids got past it, the biter and the bitten get over it LOL...I would like to address some of the questions you put forward one by one, if you're not sick of me by now HAHAHAHAH.

Children need energetic, relaxed, fit, and content parents.  Children need honesty too, they can't always have energetic, fit or even content parents.  Life throws you all sorts of challenges.  Take mine for example.  Inside I am a girl who shovelled mountains of mulch in a landscape gardening course and outdid the boys.  I am a lover of healthy eating and growing my own food.  When people who don't know the old me see me now they sum me up as a Maca's loving lazy slob.  They don't see the truth.  My kids summed it up perfectly, going through old photos upset me a little seeing that old me, and my girls said "Mum we love you the way you are now too".  Brought a tear to my eyes even more, the love, they see is on the inside.  They SEE IT.  Your fat and ignorant people assume everyone fits into the same box, you eat too much or your lazy.  When there are so many other factors that can make a person overweight.  Sure it's an easy formula, eat less, move more.  But some people eat for comfort, some are lonely, some are too busy to even realize they are over eating, some are in physical pain, some know they are doing the wrong things but are stuck in a cycle...etc....And then the same ignorance is applied to fit people, oh they must be selfish, gym junkies, don't eat!  It goes both ways, and our worst enemy is usually us!

Children need parents who have self respect and also pursue their own goals and have a clear sense of individual identity  And you are doing that?  So am I it's just in a different way due to circumstance.  I am ill, but my kids see me FIGHT.  I am educating myself (and its hard), to show them to never give up hope and that dreams don't fall into your lap, you have to MAKE them happen. You lead by example, and that is the best we can all do.

Children need a safe environment at home and play 100% with you there, but we do have to trust others at times, and things do go wrong.  And we make mistakes too.  Human error is something we should never hide from our kids, it happens.  Like the time my 3 year old son got into my laundry and sprayed an entire bottle of stain remover all over himself and the floor, which I slipped on LOL.....I made a mistake, I forgot to put it away.  Take full responsibility.  Turns out its virtually harmless Huh?  Lucky.  But what about dishwashing tablets, they are deadly, and I bet some parents would not even realise that?  And to a toddler they look like lollies.  In America they have banned baby oil, if a child ingests it and it gets into their lungs, they die.  People leave baby oil in the reach of children all the time.  A child has died from eating iron tablets.  Should those parents be judged?  I don't think so.  I think we just need to be aware and do everything we can to keep them safe.  But sometimes even the best, most careful attempts can still result in an accident.

Children need an environment which encourages their mental development True, but we are not FULLY responsible for its development.  The world around them, the people they meet, the challenges they face will all be unique to each child.  We can only give them US when we can, and if its quality then you can't go wrong.

Children need to learn to reason through issues, values, and strategies. And the best example will be from once again the parents.  I believe in a 'truth' approach.  If Paul and I have a blue, its gotta be a fair fight.  We obviously have private issues like everyone that we address alone, but the odd bicker is something which we don't hide from our kids.  How will they ever learn how to resolve their own battles in life if they never see how it's done? LOL....We have gone through a lot of painful times since I have become sick.  In recognising this, we reached out for outside help for my beautiful daughter Chloe.  Children can't always be hidden from life's harsh moments.  Chloe is a tower of strength because she has been taught how to work through issues, sometimes we don't have answers and it takes others to help us.  That's why people should focus more on community, more on networking.  I am a strong believer in going back to our tribal roots.  We all helped each other, we were not flung out into the bush to take care of our babies alone?  Children can learn to reason through issues, values and strategies when they have a good example from the parents, but also the influence from friends and family too.

Children need to learn to develop a social and environmental conscience.  Absolutely, and we do teach them this.  It starts in our home.  And we approach it through example.  How we socialise, how we act, what our values and beliefs are.  But they should not be forced onto our kids, but rather discussed with.  I think this is one of the MOST important things we can do as parents.  Some of us have STRONG belief systems, but just because they are our kids it does not give us the authority to 'brainwash' them into following our footsteps.  It comes back to how some people think they own their children, that they are an extension of you.  This is incorrect and I know you agree, that we are blessed to have our little people in our lives, and we can only 'share' with them our 'ideas', our thoughts.  It's up to them to make their own minds up in the end, and I think this starts to show during puberty HAHAHAHAAH god help us ALL...

Children need to develop a strong sense of inner peace.  They definitely do.  Knowing they have a home, a safety net which they can always fall back on is important for that one.  I never had that, and I am always struggling with anxiety.  Although I am a very high strung gal, love to talk (hence my long response hahahahah).  I am naturally someone who needs to meditate.  Never believed in it, SOOOOO stupid.  In the past year and a half it has become essential to my overall well being.  I no longer require anti depressants, which for someone who deals with pain 24/7 is a BIG DEAL.  Meditation, is something I teach my kids now too.  They all practice yoga, and it's been amazing. 

Children need to have a stable environment over the long term not just the short term

Its back to what I said before.  Let your children know that your door is ALWAYS open.  No matter what they do.  Ummmm except for predators or ruthless murderers hahahahahahahaha....You know what I mean.  They may have failures, or do things they are not proud of.  But we are a family, family never turn family away.  I let my kids know, that no matter how hard life gets,  they always have us as their safety net.  They don't need to hide from us, we are tough.  In the eyes of my almost 5 year old, who is going through that awkward stage of trouble and tantis....(My kids did it a 4 not 3)  He believed that because he was 'naughty' that we didn't love him.  I tell my kids that I love them when they are good and when they are bad.  This doesn't excuse their bad behavior, because I tell them the choices they made were wrong at the time, and that yer hitting your sister is BAD behavior.  If your angry, try other ways, come to your mum or dad, go to your room and think about it etc....... But always know that I love you, even your mistakes.  The only thing necessary for a stable environment is to have a permanent one.  The environment itself may not always be happy happy fairy floss land ( a fraise I use a lot HAHAHA) , because that's unrealistic.  As long as it's a place where you can be your true self, you can stuff up, you can laugh, you can cry, you can FEEL SAFE!

On conclusion to your 'biting' situation.  You can't hide your kids from the troubles of the world.  Things happen, like they did to my daughter, BAD.  Deal with it professionally.  But ultimately the childcare can't control this situation ALL the time, and even the parents, they are not always to blame either.   It's just the child, acting out frustration.  And what child in this world hasn't been frustrated?  Your kids WILL recover from it.  But you can't keep feeling guilty.  And it's not because your working, it could have happened if you were at home and decided to go down to the park one day, ran into a biter there too LOL.....Maybe you already know the answer, and I think you do.  Maybe you could pull back from work a bit more, to balance things out?  I don't know your situation and  I would never judge your personal values so I cannot comment really.  But I am pretty sure you wouldn't be feeling ANY guilt if in your heart you knew that you were doing everything you are doing for the RIGHT reasons, for the happiness and health of your family?  Keep doing what you are doing, you are inspirational. 

AAAAGH - A four year old boy is biting my children in child care. He is biting my boys hard. The bruises are long lasting. There have been several incidences.

Following a series of meetings the situation is not resolved and the biting continues. May I also qualify that the general standard of care my children have received at this centre has been caring and of an excellent standard.

How do I feel about this biting? At the very least I feel like emitting a primal roar, beating my chest, baring my teeth, rolling my eyes, and holding my children to my metaphorical breast. I feel as if I have failed to protect my children. I also understandably now question my parenting choices and behaviours.

 Working motherhood and the behaviours surrounding the "working- mother" lifestyle are highly contentious issues. How do we create the right ethical balance between work and family? I am sure many of you would have valid beliefs and interesting personal  experiences to share.

Which beliefs, behaviours, and rituals do we encourage in our family? - And why?

Yes I do have my 4 children in child care - no - not a mere few hours a week in order to have a bit of mother "time out". I have my young boys in full time care - 5 days per week- a working day each day. I work full time and operate two businesses. I possibly work longer -if you were to count all the hours I work before my children wake up and after they fall asleep at night.

How do I feel about having my children in full time care?  I feel guilty!

Well I suppose I would be honest if I said that I feel guilty and I grieve each and every day. Each hour and day I miss them.  I also feel that child care is the best decision for the dynamics of our particular family. - I am not saying that it is the best decision for every family but it is the best decision most of the time for our family-

To cut a long story short I believe that due to our family dynamics placing the boys in child care is the most reasonable decision for the whole family. I believe that the values, behaviours and structures of each individual family should aim to help each family member develop and maximise their own self esteem. The choices I wish to make for my marriage, ,for my family and for myself involve a need for child care.

Do I feel great about this?

• - Absolutely not. But when I sit down and write down a table of pros and cons I still come up with full time care being the best option for our family.

• - Is child care the best option for every family?
• - Absolutely not. Each family needs to decide upon the values and behaviours which maximise the self esteem and personal development of that particular family.

At the end of the day we must ask ourselves- are we providing an environment in which each individual may become the best individual that that they can be?

Do our family dynamics help teach our children to give back to the community?

Do our family dynamics help teach our children to appreciate being in the moment?

Do our family dynamics help teach our children to be accountable?

Do our family dynamics help to protect our children?

Do our family dynamics help to foster our children's well being?

We parent our children rather than own them

We do not "own" our children. We have the wonderful privilege of nurturing our children through our parenting in order that they may learn to be responsible and self thinking individuals.

Does our family life and work life balance lead towards creating children who are independent, happy, resilient community members?

Decisions regarding our children:

When making a family decision as a parent perhaps we need to ask ourselves the following...

•1.      Does each family member benefit in some way in the long term through the decision made

•2.      If the decision is made what are the potential costs to each family member?

•3.      If the decision is made What are the potential costs to the welfare of the mother or father i.e. if the decision results in the mother or father feeling more stress then everyone is effected

•4.      What are the effects of the decision upon long term family goals?

•5.      What are the effects of the decision upon family and individual self esteem?

•6.      What are the costs to parents - re self esteem/ energy levels/ finances -

•7.      Does the decision increase or compromise psychological and physical safety?

•8.      If the decision is made how it does this decision benefit the personal growth of the children?

•9.      Does the decision encourage some level of learning and development of the children?

Working mothers and family values

Perhaps family values can be summed up with a couple of value-statements.-

How do our decisions impact on the following value statements?

Children need energetic, relaxed, fit, and content parents

Children need parents who have self respect and also pursue their own goals and have a clear sense of individual identity

Children need a safe environment at home and play

Children need an environment which encourages their mental development

Children need to learn to reason through issues, values, and strategies.

Children need to learn to develop a social and environmental conscience.

Children need to develop a strong sense of inner peace

Children need to have a stable environment over the long term not just the short term

Using the above questions and value statements I am going to work through my issue regarding the biting. I am going to draw up a list of possible outcomes and strategies. I am going to make a decision using love, reason, and strategy.

Obviously I need to have my children away from the biter. My children need to be safe. As a mother I also need to work towards helping to achieve family goals both as a happy communal family unit and as individual family members.- What a task!

• - I Would love to hear your stories and experiences

Lauren Ostrowski Fenton www.beremarkable.com.au

One yogi mother's "Good Friday" reality-

Easter is here - yippee! I cry.

Being a working mother of four children I was determined to spend a good part of my Easter break dedicated to developing my inner self, my meditation practice, and my yoga practice.  

I was equally determined to spend quality time with my 4 beautiful children.

"I can do it" I say to myself. I picture myself with super hero status- red cape flying to the wind, eye mask and big letter "M" across my chest- trumpeting "Multi tasking motherhood - here I come"

Prior to Easter my revered teacher-trainer-the enigmatic senior Iyengar trainer Simon Marrocco had encouraged me to dig deeper with my practice. Wise words I silently agreed- Yes I say to myself I will dig deeper! Having the yogic flexibility of a cross between the Wizard of Oz's Tinman and a "hump back" whale I was determined to improve my Iyengar practice...

7.30 am Good Friday

Yesterday morning I started out with the best of intentions--I admit I did sleep in until 7.30 am (goodness did I need that sleep) only to arise to the twins demanding breakfast in chorus -

"We want Nutri-grain" they chanted

Mouths close by my ear- In om like mantra

I jumped up to organise 4 breakfasts- no time to dress myself- no time to brush my hair-

Four bowls of nutri-grain and then an additional four hot cross buns later I jump to the floor into adho mukha svanasana.

Eventually I come up into upward dog - calmly I surveyed the room. Breakfast complete-"Yes "I mentally tick-  I exhale through my nose- I scan the kitchen and lounge room- it appeared as if hot cross buns and nutri-grain had been loaded into a bomb and exploded randomly across the room and walls. I rise and clean up the kitchen and dining room trying to encourage my two girls to help me.

8 .30 am

I then supervised the cleaning of three children's bedrooms in preparation for the big family Easter Sunday breakfast with the extended family-

Finally following a whirlwind of activity the rooms were tidy- thank goodness I sigh with relief

Behind me I hear the Gregorian like chanting resume... the deep rhythmic resonance as once more my children begin to chant....

"Mum I am bored- bored- bored'

10 am

...We rush out to Kmart to purchase a DVD ( aaah the blessed yet sacrilegious sanctity provided by the dvd).

It is now 11.30 AM - and no meditation or yoga practice in sight- I will get there!

We stop at the local park- I attempt several asanas while the children play on the swings-

"Yay" I successfully complete a headstand without a backing wall- only to hear a child scream- bull ant bite to one child's hand- and another child stuck high in the fork of a tree. I rise from my practice to the rescue- Where is my cape?

The chant commences again and increases in tempo; rising an octave...

"Mum we are hungry" ...didn't I just feed them the breakfast??? With the hot cross bun massacre memory still close in mind my left eye starts to twitch. I revert to my pranayamic breathing to calm myself.

12 - Midday

I quickly organise lunch - woops I haven't quite cleaned up from the hot cross bun explosion- Never mind

My husband comes in from work and offers me a brief escape- I fly desperately in a sweat to my beautiful yoga room for a quick 30 minute meditation as my husband minds the kids-

12.30 PM

I return to the house-feeling calmer- I sit down to watch the Scooby doo zombie video together cuddling with the  four kids on the couch - with the volume on high I read my new book on meditation over my shoulder... -aaah I read about Pranayama to the oh so calming backdrop of a Scooby doo zombie movie -- what is that I hear on the tv? The droning of Zombies rising from their tombs? I vaguely look up and see the un-dead on the screen and wonder if this is suitable material for young children. I dismiss the thought, and then go back to my book.

2.30 pm

Our pet dog Charlie barks at the back door for his walk- I then walk Charlie, the dog with the girls and get completely lost in the backstreets of Balnarring-

"Mum why are you lost when you live here" says my daughter Sage

"Of course I am not lost I say" as I wander around completely lost.

The walk takes two hours.

I enjoy my children and I yearn for a dedicated hour to practice my yoga asanas.

4.30 PM

We return - all children require a bath- have they brushed their teeth today? Oh yes it is almost dinner time. Lasagnes in the oven - I can't see through the grime into the oven window- mental note - must clean that oven.

 I complete three glorious salutes to the sun on the lounge room floor I breathe in through the nose rise up from Uttanasana- and then to my horror...gasp as I see my son dressed as spidermen wielding a weapon and marching towards his brother- singing the theme song to batman-I race to grab a knife out of My sons hand place the knife on top of the fridge. I then complete another round of salute to the sun...Inhale through the nose....

5.pm

Dinner- a whirling dirvish of open mouths, sticky hand, and chaos.

7 pm

We prepare for bed. I read a story about goldilocks- I do the children's meditation. We use a guided famr mediation and then my son Max pretends to be a sheep eating grass.  I then continue to put my boys in bed approximately 27 times.

8.30 PM Nightfall- aaah the house is quite.

I commence my yoga practice.

A piercing scream shatters the quiet

‘Mum" Maya screams...

"what is it" I cry...

"I have had a night mare about zombies - can I sleep with you?"

 :Yes" I say Place her in bed tuck er up

I again commence my practice...

Triknoasana- Virabradrasana one- Virabradrasana two and. Virabradrasana.....

Thud- Bang!- I hear feet running...a trip over a toy - a large thud and then again running feet...

"Mum my tummy hurts. can is sleep with you? "My son says

Yes I say

My son crawls into bed.

"Mum I love you" my son says

I love you too I say as I stand in tadasana.

It is 11 pm.

I do a couple of hip opening asanas and finish with Savasana.

I crawl into a bed among several bodies.

There is no room in bed so I arrange myself in an L shape in the corner. Perhaps I should sleep on my yoga mat I think to myself.

Feeling grateful

All is quiet.

I reflect upon the day and feel grateful.

My family are happy. I have placed food on the table, played with my children, and I have achieved a yoga practice.

Good Friday is over.